The Modest Thoughts of a Jive Sucka

Flicks

Hi all,

I've been on a bit of a movie run lately. I sat down to watch Quantum of Solace last night. I really enjoyed Casino Royale and I got Quantum from Netflix on Blu-Ray so I was really rarin' to go. After a half an hour of viewing, I turned it off, put the movie back in it's Netflix envelope and dropped it off in the mailbox. And I'll tell you why.

Quantum of Solace is guilty of the worst trend going in filmmaking today. The director, Mark Forster, has chosen to film all of the action sequences with a very shaky camera for, I can only assume, the effect of making things appear gritty, and has then put together these scenes with fast/hard cuts that can total (no word of a lie) about five per second. That's right. In one second there will be five shots/angles. The combination of these two "styles" makes the film virtually unwatchable. It is so frantic and chaotic that one simply isn't able to process what is happening in front of them. Yes, you know that there is a car chase happening or there are two people fist fighting, but you literally can't make heads or tails of what is transpiring. To see the opening car chase, click here, and you will see precisely what I mean.

I can't be certain of when this shaky-cam trend started but I feel certain that Michael Bay can be blamed for the fast cuts. And we all know what a horrible director he is. The first time I remember seeing both in a film was in The Bourne Supremacy, another film that was rendered unwatchable. The real heartbreaker is that they invest millions of dollars and lord knows how many man hours into creating these scenes and they don't allow the audience to enjoy them. It's like getting tickets to the Superbowl and being stuck sitting behind a load bearing pillar. Why? Why train actors in martial arts and then shake the damn camera all over the place? It could have been terrific, people, but it's utter rubbish.

Not Recommended

Another film that I saw recently was Tokyo Gore Police. With this one you can pretty much guess what you're going to get by reading the title. It takes place in not-so-distant-future Tokyo, in which the police force has been privatized leading to excessive human rights abuses. There is also an underground group of genetically modified people called Engineers, whose DNA has been reconstructed so that when injured they are able to heal and adapt to the wound using objects in the area (ie. a the top of a man's head is taken off and it re-grows with two gun barrels coming out of the eye sockets). This of course leads to the birth of the Engineer Hunters, a specialized group of the police force with the sole purpose of hunting them down and eliminating them.

I'll be honest, I'm a big fan of the violent aspects of Japanese film, but this picture completely exceeded anything I've ever seen or even thought imaginable. Tokyo Gore Police is so off the charts when it comes to violence and sexual excess/debauchery that it's difficult to recommend it to anyone, but that's not to say that I didn't LOVE it. I did. There are very evident cinematic influences here, most notably David Cronenberg, Paul Verhoeven and Terry Gilliam. If you're familiar with these directors then you'll know that they are three of the oddest and most creative out there. So basically if Videodrome meets Starship Troopers meets Brazil sounds appealing to you then you may want to give this a whirl. But don't blame me if it's too much for you - you've been duly warned. Oh... I should mention that the lead character of Ruka is played by Eihi Shiina, who also played the beautiful psychopath in Audition. I just about jumped out of my skin when she came on the screen. Those who have seen Audition will know what I'm talking about.

Recommended, but WATCH AT YOUR OWN RISK!

AB

Christian Bale wusses out.

“It’s been a miserable week for me. I know I have a pottymouth, everybody knows that now. I have no confusion whatsoever. […] I was way out of order. I acted like a punk, I regret that and there is nobody that has heard that tape that has been hit harder by it than me. I make no excuses for it […]. I’m embarrassed by it. I ask everybody to sit down and ask themselves, have they ever had a bad day and have they ever lost their temper and really regretted it immensely. Feel free to make fun of me at my expense; I deserve it completely.

On whether there are any hard feelings between he and the DP: “We have resolved this completely…I have no intention of getting anyone fired. There is no problem whatsoever.”

This is disappointing. I was so very close to placing Christian Bale into that rarely appreciated stratosphere of actors who were tougher than hell and didn't give a f*** about their public image, a group that I long ago dubbed The Mitchum Society. Celebrated members include Rip Torn, Sean Penn, Jack Warden, Gary Busey, Peter O'Toole, Richard Burton, Russell Crowe and Mickey Rourke. But then this bullmess had to happen. Pottymouth?!?!? It's a sad day for lunatic actors everywhere.

Movies, movies, movies.

Hi everyone,

I've seen too many movies and have too many on the horizon to write about so here's a summary.

Eastern Promises

First rate - I absolutely loved it which was a nice treat considering the last Cronenberg/Mortenson film, A History of Violence, was a colossal disappointment. Naomi Watts is her usual marvelous self. Highly Recommended.

 The Pope of Greenwich Village

This was the movie that set up Mickey Rourke and Eric Roberts as the next generation of top character actors  and the praise is certainly warranted. Both are intoxicating. If not for a totally inexplicable ending, this film would get high, high praise from me. Recommended.

The Limey

Outside of Full Frontal this could be the least known Steven Soderbergh picture. It's a decent film with a strong performance by Terrance Stamp who plays a Cockney criminal that comes stateside to avenge the murder of his daughter. It's a slowly paced, contemplative film but something is really lacking and it's difficult to pinpoint. It has the same feel and style of Out of Sight, Soderbergh's previous effort, but lacks the depth and dimension. It doesn't help that it costars Lesley Ann Warren and the perpetually awful Peter Fonda. Mildly Recommended, but if there's something else out there you'd rather see then go ahead with that.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

I turned it off after ten minutes. I was absolutely disgusted. Not Recommended.

On the Horizon... 

 

   

    

Quick Hits

Good morning all,

I made some pumpkin muffins with cinnamon cream cheese last night and they were delicious. Outside of that (and my new godsend renter) there isn't much to report. Except for the little MMA party I had last night.

I'm not a big fan of martial arts competition and certainly not boxing anymore (I haven't watched a fight since Lewis retired) but I have to admit I get pretty geared up for the new CBS showings of MMA. There have been two so far with the highlight of the first one being the much celebrated exploding cauliflower ear which I've posted about ad nauseum. So needless to say I was more than ready to go for the second showing last night which was to feature Kimbo Slice (street brawler turned pro/flavour of the month) vs Ken Shamrock (shitkicking badass legend) in a no-love-lost showdown in the octagon. The undercard was perhaps even more inviting with undefeated Gina Carano (ahh... my Gina) taking on Kelly Kobold (hapless, unsuspecting victim). Well the whole thing stared out terrific with a shoving match at the weigh-in (Slice turned his back on Shamrock which he did not take kindly to) so I immediately knew that these two boys were not going to hold back. And then, two minutes later, the bomb drops when it's reported that Ken Shamrock opened up an old head would in warm up and was not being permitted to fight. This, of course, was bull*** and I'm convinced that someone out there has it in for me knowing that I wanted to see Kimbo Slice get his ass handed to him. But hold on... they brought someone else in to fight! Who was this poor bugger that was going to have to jump in there and take a pounding for the ages? Well that poor bugger was Seth Petruzelli, and indeed there was a pounding that took place. On Slice. This lil' guy dropped Slice in just over 14 seconds (see it here). 

As for the Carano/Kobold fight, it pretty much went down as expected. It was exciting as all get out, it went the full three rounds and Carano won by unanimous decision (see the fight - part one, part two). OK... here's the thing about these Carano fights. Before the fight starts, both woman looked prepped and focused, and by the end of the fight, Carano looks like she just stepped off a stairmaster while her opponent looks like she's been put through a meat grinder. It's just fantastic. Another wonderful thing about Carano is this; if you've ever watched women's boxing or MMA you'll often see the fighters, after tired and beaten, resort to fighting like girls with flailing arms and any and all strategy thrown to the curb. This never happens with Carano. She's fights like a man fights and never comes apart. It really is a thing of beauty to see her fight. Plus Muay Thai (her style) is entertaining as hell.

Time for some quick hits!

1) In smell ya later news, shout outs go to both O.J. Simpson and Lawrence Phillips. Considering the Travis Henry business as well, this has been a rough week for retired running backs.

2) Here is the white person's answer to ebonics.

3) New waxing options for the progressive woman (NSFWish).

4) Playstation store update (lots of new demos).

5) Meatballs was on yesterday so of course I sat down to watch it. I've always felt that Meatballs had one of the great underappreciated film soundtracks of all time (right up there with Xanadu - don't laugh... I'm serious). You can get it here for free if you want to try it out.

6) The 19 Most Ridiculous Moments From the VP Debate.

7) ABBA Coming to SingStar.

8) If I was still in University (and not a big, fancy, mature adult) I would probably buy this. I think it's funny.

9) I've really been unclear as to why so many people seem to support Super Sexy Sarah Palin, but this Palin backer managed to articulate it masterfully. I get it now...

10) Remember the laughable Vote or Die! campaign from eight years ago in which Sugar Puffs Daddy tried to scare today's youth into voting? Well celebrities are once again encouraging the young 'uns to register and vote, but at least this time they're doing it with a sense of humour. It may be ineffective (don't know yet), but I think it's that's pretty good way to approach it.

That's it for now, friends and neighbours. Have a listen to Makin' It by David Naughton (from the Meatballs soundtrack).

AB

P.S. For some reason I thought of this the other day.

Quick Hits

Hi all,

Hope everyone is well. Had a really nice little day yesterday. I woke up around nine, made a frittata (as I always do on the weekend) and then had a bit of a rest. I decided to go out for lunch (always a nice treat) so I went to Captain Woody's for a few dozen oysters. Delish. After that I went home for a triple bill of Battle Royale, Suicide Club and Let's Scare Jessica To Death. I've seen Battle Royale a few times in the past (it's absolutely fantastic, Highly Recommended) but not Suicide Club or Jessica. Suicide Club had a really novel premise (citizens of Japan start committing suicide en masse) but it's ultimately squandered away by a convoluted plot and some goofy philosophical nonsense at the end. Not Recommended. Let's Scare Jessica to Deathis a low budget American horror from 1971 that has developed a strong cult following over the years, so I thought I would check it out. It's about three greazzy hippies that move to the country in upstate NY, and one of them (Jessica) who was just released from an asylum, tries to keep her s*** together as she slowly loses her mind. Some nifty stuff here with Jessica's thoughts used in voiceover form trying to convince herself not to let on about the fact that she's losing it (ie. upon seeing a stranger that isn't there, she thinks, just ignore it... they'll never believe you), but as a film it's pretty much a snoozefest. It's slower than hell and I eventually just became fed up of watching these ugly, dirty flower children. Not Recommended. Here are some quick hits!

1) Here's a nifty little music blog that I found and like. Licorice Pizza.

2) I'm thinking about making these slow roasted tomatoes today. They look really good.

3) retroCrush's The10 Worst Band Makeovers.

4) Superman vs. Sub-Zero? The Flash vs. Johnny Cage? Check out the trailer for the upcoming Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe.

5) 10-Step Strategy to Live Debt Free.

6) I'm not sure how I found myself looking this up but it turns out that the font used in the Law & Order credits is called Friz Quadrata.

7) Top 15 Least Popular Oscar Winning Films.

8) I've signed up for Flixster, a social networking site for movie fans (under the name Andyboy75) but I haven't done anything with my account yet.

9) XBox 360 owners will be able to use their consoles to register and vote in the upcoming presidential election.

That's it for now. Have a lovely Sunday. Here's Dies Irae from Verdi's Requiem (the title theme to the film Battle Royale).

AB

Quick Hits

Hi all,

Hope everyone's having a nice day so far. Not much to report. Since there's nothing on television these days (one can only watch so many Olympic events) I've decided to try out a few new shows. I finally gave Monk a shot and to be honest it was pretty decent. It's VERY light fare (think Murder She Wrote) but there are some interesting reveals at the end of the episodes. I'm going to stick with that one. Last night I thought I'd give Criminal Minds a shot, mostly because it stars Paget Brewster (she's on my "women I would like to stalk" list) whom I recently saw in The Big Bad Swim. In a word, it was horrid. The hammiest acting I've ever seen. It made JAG feel like an engaging, well produced program. I will not be watching that bullmess again. Here are some quick hits.

1) Check out The Free Design, a cheesy 60s pop group I've been listening to lately. iTunes link.

2) TCM is having a Rita Hayworth marathon starting tomorrow. Do yourself a favour and try to catch one of her movies (preferably Gilda). You won't regret it.

3) Johnny Lynch, released this year by the Denver Broncos, is visiting Patriots camp. I love this - sign him up.

4) Any Gordon Ramsey fans out there should check this out (from AntB).

5) It turns out that the most underrated hottie in the history of film has her own website.

6) I think I may have posted this in the past, but I've been listening to an online radio station called Luxuria which, according to their site, plays "Exotica, Lounge, Space Age Bachelor Pad, Bossa, Bollywood, Bubblegum, Soft-Psych, Go-Go, Latin Jazz, Sophisticated Rock and Surf" music. It's bloody brilliant.

7) The Bengals are interested in bringing back Chris Henry. Honestly... I can't remember a team with so much talent squander so much away with bad decision making. Marvin Lewis should be sacked.

8) Madden NFL 09 reviews are coming in. Another fairly good effort it appears, but certainly not a home run.

Here are the movies in theatres tomorrow.

Mirrors
Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Star Wars: The Clone Wars

It turns out that there were some DVDs released this week as well. Here they are.

Smart People
CJ7
Felon
Irina Palm

That's it for now. Have a listen to Big Train by Max Greiger & His Orchestra.

AB

Quick Hits

Good morning, good people.

I watched Doomsday yesterday. Absolutely awful. I lost count of the number of movies that it blatantly rips off. To name a few - Escape From New York, Aliens, The Warriors, 28 Days Later, The Road Warrior, Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. And I don't mean that they took some of the ideas from those films and tweaked them to make them their own... They just took them and used them verbatim. Disgraceful. This isn't the first time director Neil Marshall has done this. He directed The Descent which (as I posted in the past) was a total narrative rip off of Deliverance. For shame, Neil Marshall. You are a hack. Hack Attack. Not Recommended. Here are some quick hits.

1) Metallica has announced a release date for its new album

2) J.K. Rowling's Tales of Beedle the Bard is being published for charity, and you can pre-order it on Amazon.

3) Jessica Simpson has been stripping for Tony Romo via webcam during training camp. Jeez... No wonder this guy has concentration problems.

4) I've been listening to a group called Brazilian Girls (Immediate Sound) lately. Good stuff.

5) A History of Violence: 6 Old School Games as Brutal as GTA.

6) L'Oreal has been busted for the "whitening" of Beyonce Knowles in their ads (from Jackie).

7) Way to kick him when he's down, Myrna Lee.

8) One thing I'll miss about the South are all the sexy Mexican Muffin Tops (they're everywhere).

9) Maybe for my travels I'll pick up this elegant alarm clock.

10) 52 Workout Songs To Help You Get Bigger, Stronger, and Faster.

11) Preseason football alert; Cards vs. Saints on ESPN tonight.

12) He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken has been traded to the Jets.

Here are tomorrow's theatrical releases.

Pineapple Express
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2
Bottle Shock
Elegy
Hell Ride

That's it for now. Have a listen to Imagine That by Patsy Cline.

AB

Quick Hits

Good morning, everyone!

Well today's Thursday the 31st of July and I'd say the chances of me getting a renter by the close of the day are about as slim as can be. Looks like I'll have to eat another month's worth of mortgage and regime payments. C'est la vie.

On a brighter note, I caught the film "Gilda" on Turner Classic Movies the other evening (TCM is really stepping it up with the quality of movies these days). I had wanted to see it for ages after seeing it featured on AFI's Top 100 Stars profile of Rita Hayworth. The movie is about a down on his luck gambler in Argentina that is hired by a casino owner to oversee the goings on at the casino. The owner soon marries Gilda, with whom the gambler has a torrid history. It's a first rate film noir thriller and is so for one reason and one reason only: Rita Hayworth. Glenn Ford plays the gambler and while giving a servicable performance, he is ultimately forgettable (this interestingly enough is the role that put him on the Hollywood map; something for which he should be entirely grateful to Hayworth) and the casino owner is played by George Macready who chooses to portray him as an oddly asexual being but with a subtext of sexual behavior (there is a strong homoerotic undercurrent with this character; his cane shoots a huge knife out of the heel - not very subtle). We are never entirely sure of the history between the gambler and Gilda except for the fact that they were clearly deeply in love at one point and then somehow it went horribly awry. This can be attested to by the degree with which they loathe each other; and man... do they ever loathe each other. They basically spend the entire film torturing in each other one form or another. As you can probably tell so far, the real highlight of the film is Hayworth. There is such a screen presence (nay dominance) by Hayworth throughout the film that one could argue that the film would be forgettable in the hands of a less skilled actress. She is a vision to behold, deftly managing both elegance and potent sexuality and showing a vast range of emotion starting from incredibly confident master manipulator and finishing as a withered and insecure victim. Amazing stuff - they sure don't make 'em like that anymore. Do yourself a favour and pick this one up. Highest recommendation. Here are some quick hits.

1) Freddie Prinze Jr. has been hired as a writer for the WWE. Seriously. Link.

2) 8 People Who Will Ruin Your Party.

3) How To Shine Your Shoes Like a Soldier.

4) R.I.P. The Two Coreys (sorry M.O.). Link.

5) Check out this thing that washed up on shore near Long Island. Yikes. Remind you of anything?

6) Maxim managed to get an interview with several members of Anonymous, the underground army that has decided to wage war on the Church of Scientology.

7) Soul Caliber IV is getting great reviews so far (personally I'll just play my old Soul Blade game for the PS1).

8) Speaking of the PS1, for some reason I got the itch to throw in Tomb Raider 2 last night. Absolutely infuriating. While revolutionary at the time, the control scheme is an total nightmare by today's standards. I eventually quit and threw in Tomb Raider: Legend which was far less frustrating.

9) Madden 09 reviews are trickling in.

10) Preseason football in four days!

11) Here are the movies being released in theatres tomorrow.

Sixty Six
Midnight Meat Train
Frozen River
Swing Vote
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

No song today. Instead here are the musical highlights of Rita Hayworth as Gilda.

AB

Quick Hits

Good Morning, All!

Hope you had a nice weekend. Mine was quite relaxing. I was putzing around the house yesterday morning and I somehow managed to wang my lower back (I think it's a pinched nerve) so I was kind of laid out for the remainder of the day. It's not too bad, just enough that you don't want to be running around like a nut. The bad news is that I was going to restart Body For Life today (I stopped during the renovation - I couldn't manage both) - I'll have to start tomorrow or Wednesday. The good news is that I watched four, count 'em FOUR, movies yesterday.

The first was "Stay" with Ewan MacGregor, Naomi Watts and Ryan "Not Yet A Goose" Gosling. It was a clumsy, boring and over-stylized thriller. As always, I applaud the actors for signing on for something different and taking a risk, but the director dropped the ball on this one big time. Don't even bother. Not Recommended.

The second was "I Spit On Your Grave" a low budget film born out of the hyper-violent exploitation genre of the late 70s. Man alive that's a rough movie to watch. If you are a fan of that genre (low budget, bad acting, explicit violence) give it a go but if you are not, stay very clear of this one. Not Recommended.

The third was the 1935 production of "Mutiny on the Bounty" starring Charles Laughton and Clark Gable. I got lucky and happened upon this on TCM right when the opening credits were rolling. I had seen both the Brando/Howard version from 1962 (thppt) and the Hopkins/Gibson version from 1984 (very good) but I hadn't seen this one, and I'm pleased to report that in my humble opinion it's the best of the bunch. Clark Gable does an excellent job as Fletcher Christian and Charles Laughton turns in a huge spectacle of a performance as the cruel and gruff Captain Bligh. It really was a treat. Highly Recommended.

The real winner of the day was the movie that came on right after which was John Ford's 1937 epic, "The Hurricane". It's the story of a young native man living in the South Seas who is wrongly imprisoned for six months, but due to his inability to be in confined spaces, repeatedly attempts to escape until his prison sentence totals sixteen years. After eight years he finally makes it home to his wife and child (whom he's never seen) only to have his small island ravaged by a hurricane. The cast is stellar; you have Dorothy Lamour, Mary Astor, John Carradine, Raymond Massey, John Hall, C. Aubrey Smith and Thomas Mitchell (who received a nomination for Best Supporting Actor). This is the first John Ford picture that I've seen and if this is any indication of the quality of his film making then I can't wait to see more. It's a wonderfully intimate film for the majority of the picture until the final twenty minutes when it becomes this monumental disaster film. This was my favorite of the day and I would recommend this to anyone. Highest Recommendation.

It's Monday so that means that the internet is buzzing with all the things that happened over the weekend. Here are some quick hits.

1) CBS will be airing a second MMA show on July 26th. I wonder what will explode this time?

2) USA Today has a story about an Avengers movie.

3) HBO has renewed In Treatment. If you haven't seen this show you should give it a shot. It's first rate television.

4) 19 stellar cinematic one-scene wonders.

5) Arnold Schwarzenegger has signed on to appear in Stallone's upcoming Bollywood movie. I hardly know what to say about this weirdness other than holy frick will I ever be watching this when it comes out on DVD.

6) They are making another Tomb Raider game. Now, I was as big a Tomb Raider fan as there was back in the day but I really think it's time for this franchise to hang 'em up.

7) Top 20 Pithy Political Passages.

That's it for now. Here's Don't Tell Me by Madonna.

AB

Quick Hits

Good Morning All!

So I hunkered down last night and watched the American version of "Funny Games" as I said I would. It's been awhile since I saw the original but I'm pretty certain that this is a shot-for-shot, word-for-word remake so there wasn't much in the way surprises for me. This is really a difficult film to write about because the dialogue and the plot progression are absolutely engrossing but at the same time there are elements of the film (i.e.. the fourth wall issue that I mentioned the other day) that are infuriating and occasionally laughable. So you know what? I'm not going to write about it. If you feel like gambling on a very original thriller that at times may make you want to chuck your TV out the window, go and get it. If it helps, I'm glad I saw it. Mildly Recommended (w/ caveats).
I do have to say one thing though. I really had that Naomi Watts pegged wrong. When she first came on the scene they always showed her skipping down the red carpet hand-in-hand with that useless ninny Nicole Kidman. That, and the fact that she speaks (like Kidman) with a completely nondescript American accent caused me to lump her in with her dumb friend (seriously ladies - adopt any kind of regional inflection from ANYWHERE - doesn't matter where). But I was completely wrong about her. The last two movies that I've seen with Naomi Watts are "Mulholland Drive" and "Funny Games" and let me assure you, there isn't an actress in Hollywood who is willing to get in there and get their hands dirty like Naomi Watts. In "Mulholland Drive" she's a complete disaster of a human being both physically and mentally, and in "Funny Games" the degree to which she is f***** up by the two villains is nothing short of shocking. She's very much the anti-Kidman in that regard. You get the impression that every role that Nicole Kidman accepts has been very carefully scrutinized by a team of PR people. Not Naomi Watts. Hell... she was probably disappointed to find out that she wasn't going to be ripped to shreds by that big monkey. Here are some quick hits.

1) Sarah Silverman, Scott Thompson, Norm MacDonald and others are on board for an updated version of Match Game. This could be great as long as everyone is as filthy and liquor soaked as they were on the original.

2) Guns N' Roses' Chinese Democracy album was leaked online.

3) Is it just me or does the Steve Guttenberg freakout seem completely staged? I declare shenanigans on this one.

4) Here's a countdown of "100 New Movie Classics," aka the best films released since 1983.

5) There may be a Dead Zone movie based on the series (based on the movie based on the novel). Thppt to that - go get the original. It was on a few weeks ago and I caught it again. Fantastic movie. That suicide scene still gives me the heebee jeebees.

6) The new Indy movie has sparked a new phrase in the public lexicon: nuke the fridge. It's essentially jumped the shark but applied to film.

7) This is the best female accessory EVER.

8) Cinematical Seven: TV Spies That Made Terrible Movies.

9) Here are the Hollywood Walk of Fame recipients for the 2009. Any joy I felt for RDJ getting a nod are negated by the fact that they're giving a star to Cameron F****** Diaz.

10) Here are the movies opening in theatres today.

Get Smart
The Love Guru
Brick Lane
Kit Kittredge
Expired

Here's Grazing in the Grass by The Friends of Distinction.

AB